God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize