Are we in a gay sports bar?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
