his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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