Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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