i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
