God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
