I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
