you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
