so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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