question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
