The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize