zippers are such a cool invention
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
try to milk me bitch
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