She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
