Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
