THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
