Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
