I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
