I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
