covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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