ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
