the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize