Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
