Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
