Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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