Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
