Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
