He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
