so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
