90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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