So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
