guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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