I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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