I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
