This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
