The maid of honor just puked.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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