we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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