saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
