BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
