I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize