if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
