The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
