No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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