i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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