im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
