Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My balls are so social today.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
