I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
