Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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