Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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