i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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