i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
