I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
