im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
