whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
