I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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