Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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