Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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