if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
