Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
