Non-Jews are for practice
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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