i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
