i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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