I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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