I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
