I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
